Network without being a huge jerk: A reminder

jess sugar
Jess Sugar
Jess Sugar

Jess Sugar reminds anyone interested in effective networking that you don’t want to be a huge jerk.

She points out in this blog posting that you really need to consider and give priority to what you can give, rather than take and that sincerity is crucial. This stuff may seem like common sense, but not everyone gets it.

(I hope she doesn’t mind me posting her entire posting here — if she wants me to take it down, I will.)

Can you think of any way that I could help you?

I often encounter people whose main motivation in meeting people is ?how can this person further MY agenda?, and those people miss out. Over the years, I have amassed a very large group of contacts in a vast array of businesses, life spaces, with various skill sets and interesting goals. I enjoy learning about people and what makes them tick.

It is of little wonder that I have become known as a person who knows ?everyone?. I?m often quick to supply introductions to parties that would be of mutual benefit to each other as a result. I like doing it- some great friendships and business relationships have blossomed as a result, which is satisfying to watch (and, selfishly, to feel a part of).

Around a year ago, I was asked for a meeting by a lady that I will call Amy. I knew her through business, and we had a few social connections as well. The meeting was for me to showcase products Amy specifically said she was ready to buy (in bulk) when she called to set it up. It went south fast, which happens. We chit-chatted for a bit about family, life, and I was given some feedback about my product. I was then pressed for contact info for friends of mine that Amy could connect with, that she knew could be a gateway to businesses that could send work her way. I left the meeting in a bit of a haze, so disappointed that I had lost this important sale. I also felt really uncomfortable and I couldn?t put my finger on why.

jess sugar
Sugar’s ContructingU website

Later on that day, it dawned on me what was so bothersome. I felt manipulated, and knew that this was not the first time I had experienced this situation with Amy. As a result, I shied away from connecting her with my friends, concerned that they would end up with the same experience. Everybody lost.

Everybody knows an ?Amy?, that person who continuously asks for access to a friend?s rolodex. It could be that they want you to buy their product, or be an ambassador for them or their brand. Maybe they need introductions to other people they believe can help them. It is most often one-sided and only one person gains.

What do you think would have happened if Amy?s communication to me had been a sincere – ?Can you think of any way that I could help you?? Or if she had made an offer to introduce me to someone who would indeed be interested in my product? I probably would have been open to reciprocating. I likely would have even suggested it myself, because I would know that my contact would be treated the same way. Everybody would win.

Relationships are like banks: both people need to make deposits and withdrawals to keep the account in balance. A healthy relationship demands continued mutual benefit, even if the benefit is not exact quid pro quo.

So, the next time you meet someone new, or ask for an introduction, think about first asking what you can do for them. Referrals may not come immediately, but I can assure you that they will come. Your network will grow, and it will be full of healthy connections. Most importantly, the rewards of meeting interesting people will have depth beyond professional gain & you become a better person for it.

Jess Sugar is Co Founder of ConstructingU, a consulting company that helps contractors make sense of their marketing options. She’s a sales shark, and is talented at networking and ‘professional matchmaking’.

Related to these thoughts, you may wish to check out Tim Klabunde‘s small, but valuable, book, Network Like an Introvert: A New Way of thinking About Business, available on This isn’t a novel — but you don’t need to write a massive book to tell the simple truth that successful networking requires you to focus on contributing, rather than grabbing.

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