This blog is associated with the Construction Marketing Ideas newsletter (which you can subscribe to using the link at the top of of the page.) Yesterday, I posted a newsletter entry which touches on the challenges — and opportunities — of networking. In return, I received some gratifying comments and emails.
Here is the original newsletter:
Is there a right and effective way to network, and if there is, where does networking fit in environment of construction marketing and sales?
I thought about these points as I suffered, somewhat painfully, in my tuxedo at the networking reception at the Society for Marketing Professional Services (SMPS) convention in Boston last week.
Few situations, frankly, make me more uncomfortable than standing in a crowd of hundreds, where the purpose is to make connections, renew acquaintances and “network”. At times like these, I simply like to head away to a quiet corner or (better) back to my hotel room. I’m utterly uncomfortable in this sort of social situation.
The next day things turned out much better when I reached out to someone with whom I initially networked through my writing and journalism skills. I proposed to him that a book may be lurking beneath the surface and told him I had recently discovered how to successfully publish books as well as newspapers (and blogs!)
He responded enthusiastically. I can’t name the person right now, nor describe the book topic, but it is certainly relevant to this e-letter. It turns out that despite my lack of social functioning skills and ability to “work the room” I am actually quite a good networker.
My initial connection with the SMPS colleague occurred within the frame of reference of “what can I do for you”, not “what can you do for me.” It turns out that I could make a contribution to his business and relationships right away. It didn’t take him long to offer to reciprocate. This attitude earned true networking business points. I frankly and truthfully told him that he could do absolutely nothing for me right then because the markets where I offer services didn’t correlate with his own network, but I still offered to help out as much as I can (and did.)
Over the next couple of years, we’ve found ways to do business with each other, and help even more people in the process. These initiatives have proven to be selfless in the extreme, but equally self-serving, if only as a byproduct of our friendship rather than a direct business relationship. I’m sure if we approached our relationship with the attitude: “He’s scratching my back so I had better scratch his” the whole thing wouldn’t work. We are simply taking genuine interest in each other and showing mutual respect.
I certainly can still work on improving my social event skills. They are the pits. But these basic networking rules still apply for anyone.
- Don’t worry about what you can get; focus on what you can give. Your success in networking is defined by how much you can help others more than how much you can help yourself.
- Where possible, focus your networking in areas where you enjoy the environment and initiative. While I am extremely uncomfortable in social/crowd situations, I don’t find it difficult to interview and write for association newsletters and magazines. This skill opens me to many practical networking opportunities.
- Remember, effective networking leads to relationships, and relationships are the effective junction between marketing and sales in the AEC community. Reaching out, even if you are initially uncomfortable, into an environment where you can meet and connect with others will ultimately lead to useful clients and business opportunities.
Still, I hate standing alone in a crowd.
Here are two responses I received (I certainly won’t name the people here becasue, if you met them publicly, you would be amazed to think they found networking and meeting people anything but easy).
I just read your most recent CMI newsletter, and I couldn’t agree with you more.
Through my involvement in (association name removed) at various levels, I have become known to many as (what they think) a great networker, but in reality, I feel exactly the same way you do. I feel more alone in a crowded room than anywhere else. I have managed to maintain the facade of somebody who can work a room, when in actual fact, I only work the room as a means of finding the exit. Like you, I would rather be in a corner or as you say, “better back in my hotel room”.
Like all of us, I can talk when I have to, but I have great difficulty opening a conversation with strangers or even those folks whom I know, but only see once a year. Once I get past the “Hi, I haven’t seen you in ages. How’s the family. How’s business.” I am usually at the point of trying to figure out how to extricate myself from the situation without insulting anyone.
I’ve attended various seminars telling me what to say in these situations, but quite frankly, I feel foolish following through on the advice that I get.
I have built my business from my network, and in all honesty have never seriously tried to market myself or my business. I have always tried to market myself by letting my deeds do the talking. At this point I am still doing O.K.
I just thought that I would let you know that you are not alone in your feelings of crowded rooms of people you are supposed to be able to talk to.
Another person (again, well-placed and highly successful within the industry) also reported to me:
I too along with most people was never comfortable in a crowd, I tell my kids that there was a time when I was extremely shy, and they look at me with extreme disbelief!
Like most things it is only through practice and determination can you overcome the “uncomfortable in a crowd”.
I am working on an initiative to provide a resource for people who find the “crowd” difficult. Undoubtedly, the best networkers may be those who find the experience particularly challenging. However, by considering the needs of the others first and using our natural talents and abilities — and some hard practice — we can overcome these challenges.