Last night, Chase sent me and other colleagues this inspirational message, forwarded to him by one of our clients. The words are not attributed, but a Google search indicates the original source is motivational writer and speaker Keith Cameron Smith, who has written The Top 10 distinctions between Winners and Whiners:
Winners Take Responsibility—Whiners Play the Victim
Let’s face it: life doesn’t always go according to plan. In fact, life is what happens while you’re making other plans.
To become a winner in the face of this unpredictability requires that you balance two seemingly contradictory ideas. The first is best expressed by the expression “If it’s going to be, it’s up to me.” The second is nearly the opposite: “What will be, will be.”
These two statements sound fine by themselves—but when you put them side-by-side they contradict each other. And yet, taking either of these statements to the extreme produces negative results.
For example, let’s look at the first statement: If it’s going to be, it’s up to me. Taking that philosophy to the extreme leads to arrogance and the perception that you don’t need anyone. And the second statement? Taken to its extreme, the idea that What will be, will be leads to the role of victim, aimlessly drifting with no sense of control.
The truth lies somewhere in the middle. Winners seek to find a balance in life, and the balance point for these two statements is responsibility. Responsibility means doing your best and trust that good will happen. You can’t always live in a state of what will be, will be, or you’ll never take positive action. You can’t always live in a state of if it’s going to be, it’s up to me, or you will think more highly of yourself than you should and become arrogant and judgmental.
These extremes—a lack of perceived control and a state of arrogance—start whiners down a dangerous path that leads to only one place: fear. That sense of fear manifests itself in people as worry, and worry is the enemy of winning. Winners don’t worry, whiners do.
Conversely, while fear is believing in the worst that can happen, winners have faith in positive outcomes, and that faith manifests in the form of trust—a belief in the good in people and situations. While there may be people who do not have good intentions, most probably do. Winners look for those who do—and don’t worry about the rest.
Winners trust the intentions of others. Whiners play the victim because they allow their fears to grow into worry, their worry into suspicion, and their suspicion into division. You can’t be a winner without others. Life is a team sport. Whining leads to separation, but winning comes only through unity.
The decision to live by faith or fear is just that: a decision. It is a personal choice and it is one you must make every day. Your choices are your responsibility. A whiner thinks his choices depend on his circumstances and that those circumstances are someone else’s fault.
Fear is rooted in a belief that you have no choice. In reality, your circumstances exist because of your choices and those choices are made in the context of either faith or fear. Accept the responsibility to make choices based in faith and you become a winner. Make choices based in fear and you will be a whiner.
Winners know we always have choices, and take responsibility for them. Whiners, however, believe that their choices are controlled by someone else. And while you can let someone else control your choices, isn’t that a choice in itself? Becoming a winner is impossible until you assume the responsibility of choice. Winners understand that power, and use it wisely.
Smith’s words, founded in religious (or if you wish to be agnostic, moral) faith capture principles I learned from another motivational speaker and writer, Brian Tracy, in the early 1990s. As the brutal multi-year recession then tore into my then-new business, I connected the dots mentally one day March or April 1991 in a flash of insight. Two years later, I married the woman of my dreams and my living standards skyrocketed.
Since then, responsibility principles have guided my outlook and perspectives. Am I perfect? Gosh, no. My list of blunders, sloppy behavior and errors in applying this philosophy could fill several volumes. Nevertheless, the lessons learned here guide me through hard times and hopefully keep the ego in check when things seem to be going well.
Not everyone gets it. See this forum thread within Google’s self-help forums which I visit daily and sometimes contribute as a volunteer. You will see how whiners and winners’ perspectives differ.
Meanwhile, our business consultant Bill Caswell has added another resource to the toolkit, respect. I wish I had captured this principal in time for the second major crisis of my business, the near death experience about five years ago during what should have been boom times. Respect takes the principle of responsibility a step further, to acknowledge that the world’s whiners should not be put down and denied both courtesy and opportunity. Showing respect does not mean we need to become victims of the whiners or arrogant extremists or give away our services without compensation, but we appreciate that sharing our core values and principles without worrying about every cent of profit pays off in the long run.
For example, I receive several private requests each week for personal assistance and I try my best to succinctly guide them without becoming a free unpaid business consultant, social worker or psychologist. I told one person, who seemed to want me to solve her specific business problems when she has yet to learn the basics, to connect with local resources in her community. When she sent another email asking, again, for specific advice, I directed her to her local library. I sought to give her the tools where she could find the answers she needed through her own efforts but within her limited financial resources.
Recognition is the third success pillar. While we must accept responsibility, we cannot hope to succeed in life without recognizing others’ contributions. The Internet has opened the doors to the public library and greatly expanded its scope and access. (Libraries have adapted to the new world, as well. The Ottawa Public Library, for example, makes available extensive free computer terminals and the librarians will guide clients in how to access massive online resources as well as proprietary databases.) You’ll notice how I seek to recognize and acknowledge the sources of my inspiration here. We certainly can assimilate and adapt others’ ideas into our own, but we should always seek to discover their source and acknowledge their contributions.
This posting clearly does not tell you how to specifically win a bid in a public competition, convince a homeowner to use your renovation services or design your website. The ideas here can, however, guide you to success in virtually any endeavor.
